Bittersweet.......

Just a warning........this is raw emotion from a mom who is in disbelief that she is old enough to have a daughter one year away from college - I have heard that these are normal emotions for a mom at my stage (thanks to those friends who have shared their experiences with me) so here goes:

Three years ago when this photo was taken I had no idea what the next few years would hold. I was entering the world of having a teenage daughter for the first time and as excited as I was, I had a great deal of fear. Three years later I look ahead and feel the same feelings as I watch my oldest grow up so much faster than I could have dreamed that she would.

This week has been full of emotion for me. I have laughed, I have cried, I have prayed (and prayed), I have been deep in thought and I have tried not to think........I remember taking this photo of Megan when she was thirteen like it was yesterday. I remember feeling as if God was saying, "Mendy, You have helped to give her wings and it is almost time to let her fly." That day I quickly wiped a tear as I finished snapping the picture on that precious trip that Megan and I were able to take alone for her thirteenth birthday as I realized that my role as her mother was starting to change.

Megan is an amazing young lady. She amazes me with the way that she serves our family and more importanly our God. She has a cute smallgroup of kindergarteners that she teaches every Sunday morning, she leads worship in our high school ministry each week, she loves singing in Kidstuf , she is a patient and loving big sister, and she loves to fill our basement with friends any chance that she has. It has been a joy to watch her grow so much over the last few years- It hasn't been without its challenges but it has been so sweet to watch her become who God has created her to be.

Sunday afternoon we drove almost five hours to Greenville, North Carolina to attend a campus visit on Monday at East Carolina University with Megan. As we toured the campus on Monday morning reality set in that a year from now Megan will be finishing up her senior year of high school and heading off to college. As I looked around the campus I could imagine her there. I could see her full of life and full of activity enjoying every second of campus life. Yet as silly as it seems, I was so excited for her but my heart was breaking for me. For the time that was over, never to be relived.

I certainly don't want to be selfish but as I look ahead I see how quickly my time with her living in our home will vanish. I know that we have five more children (and hopefully six soon) here at home yet I know that when one child leaves our family dynamics will never be the same. When my primary job for sixteen years has been to pour my life into making sure our kids are happy, well adjusted, healthy and that they know how much God loves them- It is hard to think that my role will be trasitioning with Megan. It has transtioned so much over the years but this transition will no longer be daily. I know that we have over a year but I know how quickly that year will pass when I start looking at it in months, weeks and days.

The next year is filling up fast for Megan. She already has plans this summer that will take her to Mexico to nanny for some good friend of ours who are serving as missionaries for three weeks, she is going to be a chaprone for a kid's camp for a week, attend camp with her high school community, cousins camp for a week, a week with my parents, another missions trip to Mexico and then summer will quickly be over. I am thrilled with the choices that she is making and the places that God is using her. I certainly don't want to hold her back and I am praying that I will be the mother that she needs for me to be as she begins to fly more and more on her own each day.

Just last night I was at soccer practice watching our youngest three practice when two sweet little girls from our church came walking past. They were giggling like little three and four year olds giggle and as I watched them I felt tears forming in the corners of my eyes. I thought to myself.......that season is over for you Mendy, never to return. I quickly heard God whisper, "Yes, but you loved your kids well in that season." I had to smile as I thought back to the mischief days of Megan and Kaylee being toddlers.

As I drove away from the soccer field alone last night I thought back to the past sixteen years and God reminded me of the special moments and it was a precious time of Him reminding me that I have done what He has called me to do- Mother my children well. Have I done it perfectly? No. Will I continue to mess up? Yes, but His grace is enough to not only cover me and my mess ups but my also my grown up daughter who is spreading her wings. He reminded me once again that he loves her more than I do. There was such a sweet joy in the car as I drove and just as scripture says, "I could have no greater joy than to hear that my children are following the truth." 3 John 1:4

I know the next year will pass quickly yet I also know that I am going to be intentional with every moment. What about you? How much time do you have left to invest in those that are most important to you? You will never get this time back. What are you doing today to show them how much they are treasured?

The Mountain ahead......

It has been a month since I have taken time to sit and blog. Some of that is due to having a busy life but part of it is out of complete and total fear. Now I know that over and over God says in His word to not to be afraid yet my emotions sometimes take over my knowledge of who He really is. So here is where we are-

After almost eighteen months of our son asking about and praying for his best freind Lemme, after countless times of mentioning him here on this blog and after hours and hours of prayer we have stepped in to try to bring Lemme home. Yes, I am crying and shaking just typing this because of the uncertainty of the entire situation that is in front of us. The details are so unsure and just as we have seen in the past God will need to move some huge mountains for this to become a reality.

To be honest sometimes I look at our crazy, busy life and think how in the world are we going to add another child into this mix? Yet, each night when I hear my son (or daughter) pray words such as, "God, thank you for this perfect family for me and Tia. Thank you for bringing us here to be loved and cared for. Thank you for giving me a mom and a dad" I know that we have room for one more to feel loved and cared for here as a Henderson.

If you know our family very well at all, you know that stepping into the world of adoption the first time we were very concerned about the thoughts and feelings of our children towards adding to our family. We spent hours talking and praying about what our life would look like and how so many things would change. We did some preadoption couseling as a family. Our kids (all six) have adjusted amazingly well and we praise God for that. I would think that with six kids in our family at least one would feel that our family is complete. This simply is not the case- all six are begging and pleading with us to bring Lemme into our family.

We again have reminded them of how things will change for each of us. How we will need to share each other, we will need to sacrifice some of the fun things that we do as a family, and we will need to completely give up somethings yet they all six pray each day that Lemme will be able to come home soon.They amaze me and humble me. I am very selfish and to see my children willing and ready before I have been willing and ready makes me ashamed of my heart yet it gives me great joy in knowing how He is shaping their precious lives. I think that spending six weeks in Ethiopia at the ages of 6, 9, 12, and 14 changed Lindsay, Jacob, Kaylee and Megan's lives forever- They each have a perspective on life that some will not have in a lifetime. Of course living there for 4 or 5 years shaped Garrett in Tia forever as well.

The road ahead is very long and sometimes when I look ahead I want to turn and run (Good thing David is speaking on Jonah right now to remind me what may happen if I do). I remember the sleepless nights, hours of tears and the pain the journey was to bring Tia and Garrett home. I remember the stress it was on our marriage, the weight that it was on our kids, the questions that I couldn't answer, the endless phone calls and paperwork, the fact that we had no money for adoption when we first stepped in, the fact that we started out to adopt one little boy and the list goes on and on. I am just not sure that I am ready for another battle such as this!

If I stop to ponder each of those things that I want to run from, I am reminded that God used each of these to shape me into who I am now. The sleepless nights up praying taught me that my hope is in Him alone- I can't do anything apart from Him. Our marriage is stronger today because during the stress of the adoption we took time to work on the tough overlooked places of our marriage. Our kids got to see that when the world said that something was impossible our great God showed them that He is in control and that when we follow Him He will make a way. My kids know that David and I don't have all of the answers- They had hard questions about why God would call us to do the impossible and they then got to see Him make a way for us to do it. The endless phonecalls gave me a special friend that I will cherish for the rest of my life, Nicco. The paperwork taught me that even as disorganized as David and I sometimes are we can work together and accomplish anything He places in front of us. One of my greatest fears is the financial piece and I can't help but get completely choked up thinking about the day that our family received a twenty thousand dollar check from a family that we had never met. It shakes me to my core that I dare question if God will provide. When I think about the fact that we set out to adopt only one child, I can't imagine life without both of our sweet twins.

So this is where we are- Lemme needs to be completely paper ready (which from our understand he is almost there- we have located his living family memebers and this makes it a little easier). We then will begin the process of gathering the funds needed (If you feel led to be a part of this piece please contact us) and we have no idea how this will be acomplished but He knows. We will redo our paperwork (Yikes.....I remember the stacks of documents on our desk and it makes me crazy thinking about it). When we have Lemme's paperwork, finances in place and our US paperwork we will file in court in Ethiopia. The waiting we hope will not be as long as with Tia and Garret because we know this time what the process is like.

I ask that you pray for Lemme. He has no idea that we are in the process of trying to bring him home. After almost four years (Yes, four years) of living in an orphanage seeing friend after friend leave with their forever family he must be heartbroken. He must feel that nobody cares for him. He must question why everyone else is picked and he has to remain. He must feel that something is wrong with him to get overlooked each time. I simply can't imagine how he must long to be loved. We can't imagine giving him the hope that he has a family until we are completely sure that we will be able to bring him home. Pray for God to give him a joy that can only come from Him each day as he waits.

Pray for our family. Pray that our kids (especially Tia and Garrett) will understand that this is a LONG process. Each day they ask when he will come home. I answer by saying I don't know and then they ask if it will be next week. It is so hard to say that it might be next year when they know first hand where Lemme is living and how he feels living there. Pray for the six of them to have patience in the process and pray that they each grow as they did while waiting last time. Pray for Megan- She longs to have Lemme here and as she quickly approaches her college years(a year early if you haven't heard that news) I long for her to have time here in our family with him prior to going to college.

Pray for David and I. Pray that during the ups and downs of the next few month that God would show us how to love each other well. That on the stressful days God would give us a peace that only He can give. Pray for us to be patient, kind, and yet persistant when we need to be with each other and with those who we will be working with in Ethiopia. Pray that when others question us (because they already have- My favorite is "When is enough children enough?") we will have the grace to answer kindly.

Pray for the nine of us. Pray that God would go before us and come around behind to shield and protect us. Pray that if God choses to close this door that we would rest in Him knowing that all we are ask to do is follow Him. We know now that He is asking that we fight for Lemme to be a Henderson- In each step we will follow Him closely and trust that He has a plan. Pray that as we wait we will not see the mountain ahead but that He would light each tiny step in front of us so brightly that we know exactly where to step to turn this party of 8 into a party of 9.

A Father's Love........

My four girls really have no idea how blessed they are. I pray that one day they realize what a treasure God gave them when he allowed them to be David's daughters. Very rarely do I share personal interactions that David or I have with our kids but this week a letter that David wrote to our daughter impacted me in a way that made me want to share.
This past Thursday our oldest daughter, Megan, turned sixteen years old. For this very special occasion in her life David wrote a letter. When he handed it to me to read I had no idea the emotions that would overwhelm me as I read it. I literally was weeping out loud as I thought of the love that he had for her and more important the love that her heavenly father has for her.
Here are the precious words that my husband communicated to his oldest daughter- I pray that these words would change and shape you if you are a teenage girl, a dad, a mom or anyone waiting for God to provide someone to love you the way you deserve to be loved......

About sixteen years and seven months ago we got some bad news on our second visit to the doctor. It seemed like you might not make it through the pre-born portion of your life. I went into full prayer and action mode – calling everyone I knew for prayer and racing around Dallas TX to find the right medicine that the doctor had prescribed. At this point we didn’t know if you would be a son or a daughter, but this was the first instance I can remember of what it felt like to be a dad and have a child whom you love with a fierce intensity. I’m so glad you arrived safe and healthy. As we brought you home from the hospital a new clarity started to grow – it wasn’t just about becoming a dad, it was about being a dad to a daughter. And I remember whispering to you a phrase that I have said thousands of times since, “I’ll always love you.” It was sixteen years ago, but it is easily today.

One day, if God allows, you will know how deeply a parent loves a child. It is an irrational but unmistakable force that beats through the heart of a parent. But you will never know how intensely a father loves a daughter. A father’s love is tough for me to describe. It is a combination of strength and softness that sometimes is confusing, unless you are the dad – because you know what it feels like and how genuine and pure it is. A father’s love hovers over the delicate treasure of his daughter’s life in both strong and soft ways. This is why sometimes I’m so “over-the-top” about any influence that would come in your life and at the same time I can be a “pushover” when it comes to giving you what you want. But a loving dad knows that a daughter thrives inside a safe barrier – and that barrier is who I am. I am a preserving force trying to counteract the millions of forces that are constantly trying to destroy the innocence of your life at every stage.

In twenty-two years of serving others in ministry, I have seen many women weep with a deep ache when they look back on their life and cannot see or feel the protective barrier of a father’s love. It is a deep, painful cry that is filled with regret and sorrow. Girls need dads. And when that force is not felt, there is a cruel reality that invades. The worst thing a dad can do sometimes is nothing. And yet that is what our world wants to relegate us dads to – worthless, uninvolved, uncaring and unimportant. I have a unique vantage point, where I can see the brokenness of young ladies who have been deprived of this force. They are vulnerable (but seemingly strong) young women who seek self-worth in the affection of a young man – having never received it from a dad. The soft, powerful force of a dad’s love shakes the cruelty of the world from a daughters heart and makes an enduring impression on her life like no other influences can. It is amazing what showing love at eight does for a little girl when she is twenty-eight or thirty-eight. It builds a confident foundation for that girl to stand on for the rest of her life.

The first sixteen years have hopefully been fun, full of experiences and joys that you will always look back on and smile. They are foundational and not insignificant, but I have formed the majority of these years. The next sixteen years will be an adventure of you launching out and into your own experiences… a season that forms the rest of your life. You will face the challenge of turning your deep childlike faith in Jesus, that I have led you to, into a mature trust of God that is forged as you decide to trust him time after time. The pursuit of purity, that you have begun, will need to grow in intensity as the pressures of our culture press in on you. And your beautiful, selfless heart for “the least of these” in our broken world will face the challenge of getting crowded out by the million other opportunities (both good and evil) that will be presented to you.

You don’t fully grasp it now, but some day in the middle of some difficult days, you will discover what I have been doing for all these years. The words that I whispered to you for many years will come back and in the depth of your pain (and sometimes in the middle of your free fall) you will suddenly feel this foundation beneath you – soft but strong saying “I will always love you.” I know you love me and I know you respect me more than any other man on earth. However, I haven’t been molding your delicate heart all the years to chase after me, but to run with purpose to our God. My leadership is intended to just give you a small (and imperfect) glimpse of the incredible power that is over all things, including you. I know our God will catch you – softly but with unmistakable strength.

When that time comes, my love that leads you to His love will be my absolute greatest gift to you. A picture of a powerful and tender-hearted God, which I have revealed to you interaction after interaction and pursuit after pursuit, will come and catch you. My own love, however incomplete and imperfect, will make more sense to you in the new understanding of His complete and perfect love. In that moment, my hope is that you would say, “God is so good, He loves me always” followed by “Thanks, daddy!” And I will be content with my love seeming small as you are swept up in His relentless, overwhelming love. You are not mine… you are His. And I will rejoice as you worship Him because you know Him and you have tasted and seen that He is good.

I hope that my care for you brings you a clear understanding of the love of our Savior. Unconditional. Tender. Sacrificial. Consistent. Present. I hope that my true affection is a contrast to the multiple deceptions that masquerade as love in this world. I hope that the sight of your daddy in all-out worship of Christ gives you the courage you need to raise your own heart up in praise for everyone to see. I hope my authentic and transparent confession of my own sin and weakness will drive you to the feet of Jesus when you see your own sin. I hope that you will not simply mimic my faith, but truly embrace Jesus Christ as the central focus of your own.

Sweet daughter of mine, please do not settle. Love Christ completely. And then love a man who loves Christ more than you – and loves you more than himself. Be attracted to tenderness, self-restraint, sacrifice, consistency and humility. Love a man who does not fear your emotions but fears our Lord. Don’t marry a boy… no matter how old he is. Do not fall for the first young man who shows you attention. Rather, follow a man who imitates the love and grace of Jesus.

I am sad about the general condition of the average young man (and I’m working hard to improve this as a father your brothers). I regret that the average young man knows more sports trivia than scripture, understands more gaming than managing a budget, and treats a gun or a dog with more respect than they do a lady. I realize a godly man is hard to find. But find it. Or better yet let him find you. Lose yourself so deeply in our God, that to find you, he has to seek Him. Otherwise you will spend your life raising the man you hoped you married. The church and this world are filled with boys masquerading as men. Let them pass. Trust God. And wait patiently.

The man you are looking for is not a boy. He is a servant. He cares for your needs more than he does his own. If I am at all the man I claim to be, I hope you can look at your father’s love for your mother and know what I am talking about. I hope your heart will recognize it when you see it, because you have grown up with it and it is familiar to you. The man who will lay down his life for yours, you can gladly give yourself to him. The man who sacrifices himself is easy to serve sacrificially.

I have only intended my love to serve as a high-water mark in your heart. No love except Christ’s love will rise above mine. This way, when a man – whom I pray for often – comes along and exceeds your father’s love, you will willingly and gladly give him your heart. And I (secretly desiring to shoot him and bury his remains in an undisclosed location) will lovingly pass on my treasure to that man.

This ring is a symbol and a reminder of my protective love. And on that day, when my love is surpassed in your heart by the love of another true man, we can both rejoice as you gladly give your whole self to him. On that day you will enter into a whole new experience of discovering the love of Jesus Christ and who his bride is in response… and you will receive another ring. Until then let this ring guard you and prepare you to be fully ready to embrace all the blessing that our perfect heavenly father long to lavish on us.

Remember,

I will always love you,

Dad.

I can't wait to see the perfect ring that she and David pick out together- I look forward to the years seeing it on her hand. I also pray for the day it is removed. The day that I see this faithful loving father give our daughter away to a man who exceeds David's love for my precious Megan!

Bucket List-

This past week David started a new series called Bucket List at church. On Sunday morning Garrett had a headache and decided to sit with me in the service instead of going back to the children's area where he usually spends his Sunday mornings. As David started speaking he was asking us to think of things on our bucket list. I wrote a little note on the top of the notes page that Garrett was holding that simply said- Ten things you want to do in your life-

Here is Garrett's Bucket List:
1. Go to a Jets game
2. Go to Ethiopia
3. Hug my family and kiss
4. Help my family by cleaning
5. I want to spind (spend) time with my friends
6. Say good buy (good bye) to everybody
7. I want to serve my family with dinner (I am sure I know which family)
8. I want to say thank you to my family
9. and say thank you to my teachers for teaching me to learn and read
10. I won't (want) to teach people like kids about God in bible.

I could learn so much from this bucket list.......what is on yours?

Forever Changed!

So much has happened in the Henderson world in the past six weeks and with the busy season of the Holidays I haven't had time to even process most of it much less sit down to blog. A few amazing things have taken place and so here is a small glimpse....

The day after Thanksgiving David traveled to Ethiopia for ten days with several guys from our church and a friend from Knoxville. The trip was more than he could have ever imagined it would be. Other than bringing home a nasty bacteria in his stomach it was a perfect trip for him. He visited with our missionary friends Trent and Carmen, spent a day with our extended family on Zadachu island and even got a quick visit in with Garrett's best friend Lemme in the orphanage where Tia and Garrett lived for several years.

He so enjoyed the day that he had on the island with Tia and Garrett's birth family and it was the highlight of the trip for him. The community on the island were thrilled when David's small boat pulled up. He was greeted with joy and the people of the island were so excited to show David the new wells that had been installed since his last visit to the island 18 months earlier with our family. What a joy for David to walk from well to well with the Zay people who knew that we as a family and as a community had cared for their very basic need of clean water.

David was thrilled to see that Werke (Tia and Garrett's birth mom) looked very healthy and well fed. As many of you know she had been very ill a few month ago due to not having enough food to eat. Tia and Garrett's siblings on the island all seemed very happy and healthy as well which was a great relief to our family. Only three of their six siblings were on the island because three are away at school and David made arrangements to visit with them on another day.

While on the island the island elders called a meeting in Werke's hut where they met with David much like the day when our entire family was there. David was able to ask them what needs they continued to have and those needs seemed to have stayed the same. They shared that they still need medical care and help with a way to grow more food. There is only one rainy season a year on the island which means only one harvest. This is not nearly enough food to feed the island for an entire year and with the help of irrigation their lives would be completely changed. David made a promise to continue working on these needs. I can hardly wait to see food growing there year round and a medical clinic up and running.

Prior to leaving from the island David wanted to have a few minutes where he could talk to Werke and so he, our good friend Brent, Nicco, Abraham (our newest friend), Werke and Ahitu (Tia and Garrett's oldest sister) went into Werke's hut. David was able to share about Christ and His love for Werke with her. Our new friend Abraham (who works with E3 partners) was able to help translate the gospel. It was in those precious moments that Werke prayed to receive Jesus as her Savior. With David there (I so wish that I could have experienced these moments) not only did Werke say yes to Jesus but so did Ahitu.

We are so thankful that this people group who have never had the chance to hear of Jesus, now have heard and not only have heard but that He lives in them- out in the middle of a small lake on a very small remote island......... HE IS THERE!!! We are also thankful for our new friends at E3 partners who work in that area to share Christ and to disciple those who trust Him. Please pray that Werke will be a light in a very dark place. Pray that she will be just like it says in Matthew 5:15- "You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden"- Pray for her as she experiences this new life in Christ that she would know of His love for her and for her family. Pray for Abraham as he travels to the island every few weeks to encourage and teach more of God's word there to Werke, Ahitu and others that I know will trust Him soon.

When David called to tell me this news I cried tears of sweet joy. One of my greatest fears had been that something would happen to Werke and my son and daughter would ask if we had shared Jesus with her. I was so thrilled at this news that I spend much of the afternoon rejoicing and praising Him for the grace and mercy He gives to anyone who is willing to ask.

It was so neat to share this great news with Tia and Garrett when the arrived home from school. Garrett's first question was, "Mom, did dad buy Werke a Bible? She doesn't have one and so she needs one." I then reminded my sweet son that his mom couldn't read and that her language isn't written down it is just spoken. With tears flowing down my face I promised my son that somehow we would get God's word to her. I am praying and believing that someday this will happen- I know that this will take a miracle- I have seen more than enough miracles on this journey that He has had us on.

A few weeks after David's return I had tucked the little girls in bed and I was getting ready to tuck Garrett in. As I walked into his room he looked up at me and said, "Mom, I am ready. I believe Jesus died for me and I want to ask Him to take away my sin." David was out at a meeting and so I sat down beside him trying not to cry like a baby, placed his Bible on my lap and started to talk with him. As we were talking Tia opened his bedroom door and came over to sit on the bed with us. (This NEVER happens- Once in bed in our house the kids rarely get up- not really a rule just how it happens usually) Tia didn't say a word she just listened as I continued to make sure that Garrett understood. Garrett then alone prayed the most amazing, heartfelt prayer that I have ever heard.

As he finished Tia said, "Mom, I want to pray now. I believe that Jesus died for me." She then bowed her precious head as my tears dropped into her curls and she prayed for Jesus to forgive her. By this time all six kids were gathered around me and my heart was about to beat out of my chest- For me this is all I have longed for...... to know that all six of my precious gifts from God would know Him. Not know about Him but that they each would chose to follow Him with their lives. God is so good and His love for us never fails- whether we live here in our comfortable home in Harrisburg, NC or if we live half way around the world in a mud hut on a tiny, remote Zadachu island where basic needs are a daily struggle- He is there willing and waiting to adopt us as His very own.

Socks.....

It is Black Friday and I am amazed at the consumerism of our country. I have heard of people camping out for over a week, standing in line for hours and literally physically fighting over items that soon will be forgotten. Today as I read these facts online I am reminded of our shopping experience this past week with our family-

David is traveling today to Ethiopia and he will spend a good amount of time with Tia and Garrett's birth family while he is there. We pray for and talk daily about their family and as most of you know Garrett continues to be concerned about their basic needs being met. As David's trip was approaching we headed out to find a few gifts to send to each of their siblings and to Werke, their birth mom.

As the eight of us entered Target the kids headed straight to the dollar spot and I thought that they would pick out a few dollar toys that they wanted to send to each sibling. I was so wrong! The very first thing that Garrett brought to me was a small pair of socks and he said, "Mom, these will be perfect for Abush." Abush is Garrett's four year old brother- Not a toy for a four year old but a pair of socks...... I took the socks holding back my tears and said, "Garrett, these will be great and if you want you can now pick out something for him to play with." Garrett replied, "No, he will need more than one pair of socks mom. He doesn't have even one pair." He then handed me more socks. My heart ached as I watched my son look over all of the fun things in order to provide for his brothers basic needs. We purchased socks for the entire family and then picked out a few fun things for each of them as well.

As we were checking out I could tell that they were excited to be sending gifts to their family and God did the neatest thing. The lady who was helping us check out continued to stop what she was doing to look at Tia every few seconds. I found it a little odd but many times in public people stare at our family. The employee finally said, "Where are they from?" As soon as she started to ask I knew that she was from Ethiopia. We explained that everything we were purchasing was for Tia and Garrett's family in Ethiopia. It was so neat that as we were purchasing these things that in Tia and Garrett's native language the cashier was speaking to them-

It is the little things that God does to amaze me. Not things that money can buy but the memories and lessons of life that He gives. So thankful that before the hustle and bustle of this season God reminded me yet again that a pair of socks for a precious boy would change his little life half way around the world.........

Two years ago today we had to say goodbye......

By far the hardest day of my entire life! Saying goodbye to my precious children not knowing when we would return to bring them home. We made such sweet memories the week that we were together (as you can see in each of these photos).

I will never forget holding Garrett on my lap as David held Tia in the orphanage. I tried to pray out loud but had no words and so David prayed over us. Garrett was sobbing out loud and my shirt was soaking wet from the combination of my tears and his. I didn't want David's prayer to end because I knew that we would then share our last goodbye.

As I gave them each one last hug and kiss I couldn't imagine really walking away from this place and from them yet I knew that I had no choice. I looked into their eyes, said to each of them, "I love you", and whispered, "We will be back soon, I promise!" With that I had to hold onto David and walk quickly to the car or I knew that I would never leave. (Good thing that I didn't know then that it would be seven long months before our return or I would have stayed!)

We got into the car and as we drove off I looked up to see my daughter hanging out of her bedroom window crying and waving goodbye to us. She then quickly signed I love you with her small hands and as I signed back I cried like I had never cried before-

Thankful that two years later we daily get to say I love you and never have to be apart again!