Tuesday, February 28, 2012

The Mountain ahead......

It has been a month since I have taken time to sit and blog. Some of that is due to having a busy life but part of it is out of complete and total fear. Now I know that over and over God says in His word to not to be afraid yet my emotions sometimes take over my knowledge of who He really is. So here is where we are-
After almost eighteen months of our son asking about and praying for his best freind Lemme, after countless times of mentioning him here on this blog and after hours and hours of prayer we have stepped in to try to bring Lemme home. Yes, I am crying and shaking just typing this because of the uncertainty of the entire situation that is in front of us. The details are so unsure and just as we have seen in the past God will need to move some huge mountains for this to become a reality.
To be honest sometimes I look at our crazy, busy life and think how in the world are we going to add another child into this mix? Yet, each night when I hear my son (or daughter) pray words such as, "God, thank you for this perfect family for me and Tia. Thank you for bringing us here to be loved and cared for. Thank you for giving me a mom and a dad" I know that we have room for one more to feel loved and cared for here as a Henderson.
If you know our family very well at all, you know that stepping into the world of adoption the first time we were very concerned about the thoughts and feelings of our children towards adding to our family. We spent hours talking and praying about what our life would look like and how so many things would change. We did some preadoption couseling as a family. Our kids (all six) have adjusted amazingly well and we praise God for that. I would think that with six kids in our family at least one would feel that our family is complete. This simply is not the case- all six are begging and pleading with us to bring Lemme into our family.
We again have reminded them of how things will change for each of us. How we will need to share each other, we will need to sacrifice some of the fun things that we do as a family, and we will need to completely give up somethings yet they all six pray each day that Lemme will be able to come home soon.They amaze me and humble me. I am very selfish and to see my children willing and ready before I have been willing and ready makes me ashamed of my heart yet it gives me great joy in knowing how He is shaping their precious lives. I think that spending six weeks in Ethiopia at the ages of 6, 9, 12, and 14 changed Lindsay, Jacob, Kaylee and Megan's lives forever- They each have a perspective on life that some will not have in a lifetime. Of course living there for 4 or 5 years shaped Garrett in Tia forever as well.
The road ahead is very long and sometimes when I look ahead I want to turn and run (Good thing David is speaking on Jonah right now to remind me what may happen if I do). I remember the sleepless nights, hours of tears and the pain the journey was to bring Tia and Garrett home. I remember the stress it was on our marriage, the weight that it was on our kids, the questions that I couldn't answer, the endless phone calls and paperwork, the fact that we had no money for adoption when we first stepped in, the fact that we started out to adopt one little boy and the list goes on and on. I am just not sure that I am ready for another battle such as this!
If I stop to ponder each of those things that I want to run from, I am reminded that God used each of these to shape me into who I am now. The sleepless nights up praying taught me that my hope is in Him alone- I can't do anything apart from Him. Our marriage is stronger today because during the stress of the adoption we took time to work on the tough overlooked places of our marriage. Our kids got to see that when the world said that something was impossible our great God showed them that He is in control and that when we follow Him He will make a way. My kids know that David and I don't have all of the answers- They had hard questions about why God would call us to do the impossible and they then got to see Him make a way for us to do it. The endless phonecalls gave me a special friend that I will cherish for the rest of my life, Nicco. The paperwork taught me that even as disorganized as David and I sometimes are we can work together and accomplish anything He places in front of us. One of my greatest fears is the financial piece and I can't help but get completely choked up thinking about the day that our family received a twenty thousand dollar check from a family that we had never met. It shakes me to my core that I dare question if God will provide. When I think about the fact that we set out to adopt only one child, I can't imagine life without both of our sweet twins.
So this is where we are- Lemme needs to be completely paper ready (which from our understand he is almost there- we have located his living family memebers and this makes it a little easier). We then will begin the process of gathering the funds needed (If you feel led to be a part of this piece please contact us) and we have no idea how this will be acomplished but He knows. We will redo our paperwork (Yikes.....I remember the stacks of documents on our desk and it makes me crazy thinking about it). When we have Lemme's paperwork, finances in place and our US paperwork we will file in court in Ethiopia. The waiting we hope will not be as long as with Tia and Garret because we know this time what the process is like.
I ask that you pray for Lemme. He has no idea that we are in the process of trying to bring him home. After almost four years (Yes, four years) of living in an orphanage seeing friend after friend leave with their forever family he must be heartbroken. He must feel that nobody cares for him. He must question why everyone else is picked and he has to remain. He must feel that something is wrong with him to get overlooked each time. I simply can't imagine how he must long to be loved. We can't imagine giving him the hope that he has a family until we are completely sure that we will be able to bring him home. Pray for God to give him a joy that can only come from Him each day as he waits.
Pray for our family. Pray that our kids (especially Tia and Garrett) will understand that this is a LONG process. Each day they ask when he will come home. I answer by saying I don't know and then they ask if it will be next week. It is so hard to say that it might be next year when they know first hand where Lemme is living and how he feels living there. Pray for the six of them to have patience in the process and pray that they each grow as they did while waiting last time. Pray for Megan- She longs to have Lemme here and as she quickly approaches her college years(a year early if you haven't heard that news) I long for her to have time here in our family with him prior to going to college.
Pray for David and I. Pray that during the ups and downs of the next few month that God would show us how to love each other well. That on the stressful days God would give us a peace that only He can give. Pray for us to be patient, kind, and yet persistant when we need to be with each other and with those who we will be working with in Ethiopia. Pray that when others question us (because they already have- My favorite is "When is enough children enough?") we will have the grace to answer kindly.
Pray for the nine of us. Pray that God would go before us and come around behind to shield and protect us. Pray that if God choses to close this door that we would rest in Him knowing that all we are ask to do is follow Him. We know now that He is asking that we fight for Lemme to be a Henderson- In each step we will follow Him closely and trust that He has a plan. Pray that as we wait we will not see the mountain ahead but that He would light each tiny step in front of us so brightly that we know exactly where to step to turn this party of 8 into a party of 9.