Answers........

For the past few days God has been working on my heart and it all started with a question at bedtime with Garrett on Monday night. I have wrestled all week with this simple question that questions all that I am and all that I say I believe.

After devotions and prayer time on Monday night while tucking Garrett in he ask me this simple question, "Mom, when is Limme going to come and live with us?" I was somewhat taken back by the question and it took me a few seconds to respond and so Garrett continued, "Mom, Limme doesn't have a family, we have extra beds and plenty of food mom. He would love it here."

For those of you who may not know Limme is one of Garrett's friends from Ethiopia who is about seven years old and continues to live in an orphanage. He not only lived with Tia and Garrett in the orpahange but he also was from the same island as Tia and Garrett. When Garrett went for our final visit to the orphanage this past summer he left all of the toys (that we had brought for him to have on the plane ride home) with Limme as told us that Limme was his favorite friend.

I tried to figure out how to respond to Garrett's question and I really couldn't answer. I simply said, "Garrett let's pray for Limme to feel loved and to have a family soon." We both did just that and again with tears pouring from my eyes I walked down our hallway and started this wrestling with what I believe and what I say I believe. Why couldn't I answer my son's simple question?

I wanted to respond to Garrett's question by saying several things and none of them could I say:

"Garrett, Limme can't come here to live with us because it would cost so much for us to bring him here."- God was whispering........."Oh, really and where did the money come to bring home your precious son and daughter? Haven't we been here before and didn't I provide?"

"Garrett, dad and I have six kids and I think that is all we can handle"- God was whispering......."All that you and David can handle but is that more than you can handle with me being more of you?"

"Garrett, all eight seats in our car and around our table are full."- God whispering......."I have blessed you with two cars and two tables that seat eight. Limme sat on the ground for his meal today. You have empty beds in your house and he is sharing with several others."

"Garrett, I am sure that someday Limme will be matched with a family." God reminded me......"Mendy, do you remember how hard it was to gather paperwork from the island. The agency will never get him paper ready to be adopted. You, with Nicco's help, now know how to gather the needed paperwork. Remember how I went before you two Novembers ago when you needed to find a birth family and I found them?"

"Garrett, even if we wanted to try to bring Limme home adoptions in Ethiopia are going to slow way down and it would take so long to bring him home." God whispered........"Remember how I changed and shaped your life waiting for your son and daughter to come home? A family in a few years is better than no family at all."

With all that was within me I wanted to say to Garrett that Limme would be fine and that a family would soon take him in but I knew that I couldn't be honest and speak those words. Reality is that Limme has very little hope of having a forever family because he is older and he has no one to fight for him. His paperwork will never be complete unless someone is willing to do as we did and figure it out on thier own. In reality he will age out of the system and most likely be on the streets in a few years.

I am not saying that God has said to bring Limme here to be part of our family but I know that I can't get so comfortable that my eyes aren't open to what God may want to do. I was so quick to want to give Garrett an answer of no or an answer that involved someone other than me helping Limme. As God started to point out how I needed to slow down prior to giving a quick answer I realized how what I know and believe doesn't always match my actions. Those small whispers from God reminded me of these things that I so often forget.

I quickly forget the nights of our family praying for God to provide as we felt led to adopt and having no money to do so. I quickly forget going to the post office with our kids and all six of us in tears as we opened an envelope together. An envelope where God provided $20,000 from someone we didn't know towards our adoption and I want to say to my son that bringing Limme home would be expensive and we can't? How could I even dare think those thoughts after being provided for in such an amazing way?

I am quick to forget the sleepless nights of crying out to God to help us find Tia and Garrett's birth family and how God grew my faith more in those months then ever before. I quickly forget how within twelve hours of being in Addis we had located the family. For me to say that with all that is happening in Ethiopian adoptions the wait would be long.......why would I even think those thoughts much less almost speak them?

I am so quick to blow past all that God has done, all that He has blessed me with and all that He wants to use me to do as I go about my life. I want a quick answer to give so that I don't have to wrestle with the reality of who I am and what I really believe. I am so thankful that God uses my children to slow me down and make me wrestle with who I am and who God is.

Seeking God's wisdom and praying for a family for Limme and would love for you to join me................