Tuesday, November 8, 2011

I am not going......

Two years ago tonight I was in tears as I walked into our bedroom and announced to David, "I am not going with you." He responded, "You are going. You know that God has clearly said for us to go and we are going." He held me as I cried and explained that I couldn't leave because while I was tucking in Lindsay and Jacob they both cried and expressed that they didn't want both of us to go.

Our bags were all packed and tickets in hand for our flight to Ethiopia that was scheduled to leave early the next morning. After receiving word that Tia and Garrett were not adoptable a few weeks prior we felt God leading us to go to Ethiopia and try to find their missing birth family. Their birth family had to be located in order for the adoption to move forward and we knew that if we didn't go there would be little chance of ever bringing them home.

My mind swirled with all of the unknown- I thought of the millions of people in Ethiopia and how we were setting out to find one family out of the millions. I thought about the fact that we were leaving our kids here and that we were traveling half way around the world without them. I thought about the fact that I would soon be holding my precious twins not knowing if we could ever bring them home. I thought of how foolish it seemed to spend so much money on airfare with no guarantee of making progress while there.

I really wasn't sure that my emotions could handle what was ahead. What if we traveled half way around the world and didn't locate the family? What if we spend a few days with our twins only to break their hearts (and ours) because we had no hope for them to come home with us? What if we got to Ethiopia only to find that Tia and Garrett were no longer at the orphanage? The list went on and on long into the night.

All of these questions and concerns yet God's still, small voice continued to whisper, "Trust me." In my clearest thinking I knew that God was saying to go yet the circumstances sometimes paralyzed me. I quoted scripture after scripture to myself as I was laying in bed trying to get a few hours of sleep prior to our departure. I didn't sleep much at all but by the time our alarm went off at 3:00am I knew that God was going to do something amazing on this trip- I just had no idea how amazing the next two days would be............

What is God calling you to do yet the circumstances seem to be paralyzing you? What is He whispering? Are you listening and obeying? I am so thankful that we did-