Tonight at bedtime I climbed up onto Tia’s top bunk just like every other night, for prayers and kisses. As I got on the bunk, I noticed some blue writing on the comforter. As I noticed the writing, I remembered seeing Tia earlier today with a blue pen. I examined the writing on the comforter and it said…..Tia Hender (I don’t think she has learned to spell Henderson yet, so that is as far as she got). I knew that I must address the situation and as I saw the writing so did she. I thought that she was probably proud of herself. I am sure that there are no pens on the island where she spent her first four years and I know that at the orphanage they only had very small pencils and they were only used for schoolwork. Today she had a blue pen and she decided that writing on her bed would be a good idea during rest time. I know that this is not what she is supposed to do, however, I am not sure that she knew that she had done wrong.
Remember, it is bedtime and I have read enough to know that bedtime is not the best time to bring up poor behavior or to correct a newly adopted child, but I also knew that I had to let her know that if she planned on finishing up her Henderson during the night that this was not a good idea.
I sat on her bunk and pointed at the writing and she smiled…….I knew then that she was so proud of herself. I then very carefully said, “Tia, I am so happy that you can write your name but we are not supposed to write on our bed. We are only to write on paper.” Quickly that huge smile turned to huge tears. She didn’t want me to be disappointed in her. I quickly held her in my arms and sent Lindsay to get a translator. When the translator arrived in our room Tia explained that she didn’t want to make me sad. She said that her heart hurt because mommy didn’t want her to write on her bed. It is funny to me that I was very intentional to not let her think that I was upset with her yet she knew that she had disappointed me with her actions. In fact, it just broke my heart that I had to correct an action that she had taken.
I know that this is very common in adopted children and there is a honeymoon period where they never want to disappoint and they try to please at every moment. We have one child who we correct often and one who’s heart breaks when she thinks that we are disappointed. This made me stop and think:
Does my heart break for what breaks my Father’s heart? Can I truly say that I don’t want to make His heart sad? Am I so busy doing my own thing, in my own way and so proud of it that when He gently corrects me, my heart breaks for wanting to please Him or do I turn away and keep going on my own way?
Tia taught me a huge lesson tonight about how much God loves me and wants the best for me. I want my huge smile to turn into tears when I have done wrong (whether I knew it was wrong or not). I want to please Him and never grow out of the Honeymoon phase where pleasing Him is my life! Father, Break my heart for what breaks yours in my life……………